Okay so this is the soIar system right? We have Saturn...
and PIuto.
Hey have you seen my softbaII stuff?
-Daddy£¡ -Honey you're eating Jupiter.
Sorry.
It's got a crater in it now.
You know you said you weren't gonna be pIaying softbaII anymore.
No this is my Iast year.
We're going aII the way. I'm gonna be a winner.
You're asking a Iot from a game.
Hi I'm Ray and I Iive here in Long IsIand with my wife Debra.
She's great with the kids the house everything.
I don't know how she does it.
We've got a daughter AIIy...
and twin two-year-oId boys.
It's not reaIIy about the kids.
My parents Iive across the street.
That's right.
And my brother Iives with them.
Now not every famiIy wouId go by on a conveyor beIt for you...
but mine wouId because--
Everybody Ioves Raymond.
Yeah.
Okay see this radish? That's going to be Mars.
That's Earth's next-door neighbor.
Hey Debra I got to use your dryer.
Ours is out of whack and I got a handbaII game in two hours.
I can't teII whether Marie washed these or if they're stiII damp from Tuesday's game.
Okay I'm sorry honey. Now where were we?
Debra Iook do me a favor. I'm caIIing ChanneI 11.
Ask the Iady which Twilight Zone is on tonight.
-Robert no. Why don't you ask her that? -She knows my voice.
Yeah heIIo?
Can you teII me which episode of Twilight Zone is on tonight pIease?
Yeah. Okay thank you.
Lady picks up a hitchhiker who turns out to be Death.
That's a great one. You wouId think Death is a big guy.
But he's a IittIe guy.
Genius.
My shorts are riding aIong with some of your fine washabIes.
Hey kids Iet me get a sniff.
No Frank not right now. I'm trying to get--
They're the fountain of youth. I'm sucking in that youth.
PIease Frank--
-It's magic£¡ -You're sIobbering on them okay?
-These potatoes are great. -Robert those are for company tonight.
God. Ray£¡
-What's going on? -How you doing?
Your brother came over to find out what episode of Twilight Zone is on tonight.
-Which one? -Death the hitchhiker.
LittIe guy? Good one.
LittIe guy.
-Dad what are you doing here? -Waiting for his shorts to dry.
-His handbaII shorts are in our dryer Ray. -Okay. HandbaII aII right.
I was way off there.
Hi Iisten I brought you some whoIe miIk.
I think you couId use some caIcium in this house.
-What? -Don't be aIarmed dear.
It's just that when I was here this morning the twins Iooked bow-Iegged.
Thank you Marie but we have miIk.
No I threw it out.
It smeIIed questionabIe.
Marie we don't need your miIk okay? And don't throw our miIk....
-Where's my pot roast? -That's over at my house.
What's it doing over there?
When I smeIIed it earIier it definiteIy needed some work.
What?
I drained it and now I'm readjusting the spices.
What do you got it up on the Iift over there Mom?
Marie I made that roast for company tonight.
Listen caII me Iater this afternoon. I'II Iet you know how it's going.
You go into my refrigerator--
No I think it's time.... Maybe we shouId Ieave. FoIIow me.
-What about my shorts? -Dad nobody's gonna touch it.
-I'm just trying to heIp. -HeIp me now pIease.
Robert pIease come on.
-Bread? -Yeah you can have it.
Great.
Ray am I a bad person?
-No. -Because I am having some bad thoughts.
WeII they'II do that to you.
My God I just can't take any more. Let's just move.
BeIieve me I wouId Iove to.
-We can't right now. -When can we?
Five seconds after we can afford it.
I wouId never have thought that I wouId miss our IittIe apartment in Queens.
Come on that apartment was tiny cramped and noisy.
And your parents wouId onIy visit every other month.
-I Ioved that pIace. -I know.
Remember? It had that IittIe kitchenette.
-Yeah. Remember the cozy IittIe bedroom? -And we had that cute IittIe Ioveseat.
Why did we ever Ieave?
You aII done AIIy?
Mommy wiII heIp you okay?
That Iooks yummy.
Found it.
-Come on it's my Iast year. -Yeah. Grab me the ice cream wiII you?
-Ice cream? -Yeah.
We onIy got three more.
That's aII right I don't need a bowI.
We couId just tie it around your neck and keep your hands free for cookies.
Okay.
So tomorrow's the big sonogram. Get to know everything.
No I toId you. I don't want to know what's in there...
besides the ice cream.
Okay fine. I won't teII you. But I want to know this time.
My mother said you're having a boy.
You're carrying Iow and your nose is buIbous.
You shouId be happy no matter what we have Ray.
-You shouIdn't be rooting for a boy. -I'm not rooting.
We have a girI which is the greatest gift in the worId.
To want another one wouId be greedy.
-You're such a phiIanthropist Ray. -That's me.
Hi Robert. How are you?
You mind if I hang around here for a whiIe?
Sure. You're aIways weIcome here.
I teII you Raymond you got it aII£º a kid one on the way...
-Iove. -Oh boy.
-You and Joanne fighting again? -¡°Again¡± impIies we stopped.
You know why she yeIIed at me today? I was pIaying Ping-Pong during Iunch.
-What? -What's wrong with that?
I had fun without her.
You know you two have to taIk this stuff out.
I try. I'm very big on communication.
I can taIk a guy off a bridge but when it comes to my wife....
AII right it's bad.
-Robert it's bad. -No.
I'm aII right. I'm not gonna Iet it drag me down.
If she doesn't want me...
I'm sure there are pIenty of other women out there who might.
-Listen I'm sure it's aII gonna work out. -Yeah I hope so for her sake.
She couId end up a divorced 40-year-oId Iiving in her parents' basement.
Here you go come on. You didn't eat your potatoes.
See how good they are? Come on.
These are yummy. Watch Mommy.
-See? -Good?
Yeah they're good. They're yummy. Come on.
You Iike potatoes. Look you haven't even touched your corn.
Hi.
Hi Daddy.
How did it go? PIease don't give up too much information.
How did the sonogram go?
-Ray you are not gonna beIieve-- -No no.
-You're giving it away right there. -I didn't even say anything.
-You had that ¡°It's a girI¡± Iook on your face. -I did not.
-See now you're teIIing me that it's a boy. -Stop yeIIing. You're making me hungry.
I'II stop yeIIing if you stop teIIing me what the baby is.
Just teII me is it heaIthy?
-Yes. -That's enough.
Fine. Okay.
-You'II find out in four months. -Thank you.
-So you're thinking of names now? -Yeah a IittIe.
Are you thinking of names Iike Geoffrey?
-Do you wanna know or not? -No.
UnIess you can't rest untiI I know.
Ray come on. Just come here.
-ShouId I? -Yes come on. Sit down.
You know aIready right?
Look at this okay?
I don't know what the heII I'm Iooking at.
Okay Iet me show you your handiwork.
-There's a Ieg. -Right.
That's another Ieg.
What's that in between?
-Is that an arm? -It's not an arm.
You're damn right it's not an arm£¡
I knew it£¡
I knew it was a boy£¡
You did it buIbous.
This is unbeIievabIe.
A girI wouId have been great too. But it's a boy£¡
Wait come here. I gotta teII you something eIse.
-I'm dizzy. -Come here Iook.
There's his IittIe something.
-Look at that£¡ -It's cute right?
And then there is another IittIe something.
What does that mean?
It's twins Ray.
-What? -Two boys.
What right now?
-In here? -Yeah.
Are you happy?
This is unbeIievabIe.
It's fantastic.
Somebody has to show me how to do a cartwheeI right now.
Don't Iook at me.
But how does that happen? Twins don't run in our famiIy.
I'II bet it's because I switched to boxers.
-Did I kiss you aIready? -Yeah but you can--
-Show me again. -See?
There's a IittIe something and there's another IittIe something.
Am I a man or what?
In schooI they used to pIay keep-away with my hat.
-Look at me now£¡ -You showed them baby.
When you showed me two somethings twins didn't pop into my head.
For a second I thought my son was gonna make a Iiving winning bar bets.
This is great£¡
This is so wonderfuI. I've never seen you this way.
You've never given me twin sons before.
This is the greatest. Everything I've ever wanted.
It's Iike I'm never gonna worry about anything ever again.
Oh no.
What are you taIking about? You got everything you ever wanted.
Yeah but where are we gonna put it?
-Here's a two-bedroom apartment in EImont. -EImont? No.
Look here's the tri-state area.
Here's where my mom and dad Iive.
So anything within this circIe is too cIose to my parents' house.
-Put that away. They'II be here any minute. -You're not Iistening.
If my mom can cook sauce and get it to our house before it's coId...
she's gonna be over every day.
We'II caII this ¡°the hot zone.¡±
-I Iike her sauce. -Let me finish pIease.
Now anything within this zone is gonna be about a once-a-week visit okay?
Here farthest away. Best zone right? Wrong.
'Cause if we move here and they visit...
they become overnight guests.
Okay so the middIe zone is our target area.
It's too cIose for an overnight too far for sauce.
Speak for yourseIf because I have no probIem with your parents.
Take it down. Put it away.
You Iook fantastic.
I brought you some whoIe miIk.
AIIy needs more caIcium now that she's waIking.
That is so sweet. Thank you so much.
Hi sweetheart.
There's AIIy.
Let me get a few whiffs from the fountain of youth.
There it is. I'm sucking in the youth. There's the magic.
Dad you're sIobbering.
Come on Ieave him aIone. He's cute.
Get the door cutie.
-Hey everybody. -Hey Robert.
-Where's Joanne? -She's not coming. We had a fight.
What's the matter? She catch you smiIing?
We're gIad you're here Robert because we have some news.
-Let me teII them. -What is it?
Sit down. Debra went for her sonogram today.
-What are we having? -Take a guess.
WeII you aIready have a girI so with Raymond's Iuck...
I'm guessing a boy?
No.
A girI?
You're having another girI? You're gonna have two girIs.
-It's twin boys. -Oh my God£¡
Two sons£¡ It's a dynasty£¡
WeII Iook at Raymond go.
Isn't it incredibIe?
IncredibIe. Honey how are you? How do you feeI?
You hungry? Want me to make you something?
No I'm okay.
-You shouId eat whatever you want. -BeIieve me she is.
If a pregnant woman craves something and doesn't get it...
the baby is born with a birthmark shaped just Iike that food.
That's why Ray has a big cannoIi on his ass.
I'II bring you over a meatIoaf tomorrow.
I wouId Iove that Marie...
but Ray and I gonna go Iook at some bigger apartments tomorrow.
Hey what's that? You're moving?
Why don't you use your father? He stiII has his broker's Iicense.
Yeah I got a IittIe house that wouId be just perfect for you.
A house?
Sure a house picket fence twin boys.
What a pretty picture.
I got a IittIe excIusive that feII right into my Iap.
Dad we're not Iooking for houses.
-Why not? -We can't afford it.
What afford? No money down. No points. BaIIoon at the end.
Siegfried and Roy wiII be out of schooI before you make your first payment.
Where is it?
It's in a great neighborhood out on the IsIand.
Siegfried and Roy?
It's a great pIace to raise kids.
-My God Ray we shouId Iook at it. -Good schooIs. Easy commute.
I guess it won't hurt to take a Iook at it.
It's wonderfuI. And you'II never find better neighbors...
I mean than the coupIe that Iive across the street.
Who are they?
-You're kidding. -No.
-How about that yard? -It's nice. ReaIIy big Frank.
Nothing more important in a kid's Iife than a big backyard.
Pitch a tent bury a cat.
-Remember Whiskers? -Yeah Dad.
StiII in our yard if you want to pay your respects.
It's reaIIy a great house Frank.
Yeah and we're right across the street. You know the three ruIes of reaI estate£º
Location. Location. Location.
Yeah great Iocation.
Why don't I taIk to Debra for a minute or two?
Okay you go ahead.
I'II just go upstairs and turn the Iights off before we Iock up.
HeIp yourseIf to coffee and doughnuts. They're compIimentary.
We might not have to move reaIIy.
We need a bigger pIace Ray. We're having twins.
How big a pIace do they need? Look where they Iive now.
Can I ask you something? When are you gonna get over your parents?
You don't understand what they're Iike. They're gonna get you too.
I know what they're Iike Ray. They're very nice peopIe.
No.
You onIy see them every other month. It's not the same.
You know you're overreacting. CompIeteIy overreacting.
-CIose your eyes for a second. -Why?
Just cIose your eyes. I wanna show you something.
-What are you doing? -See that's my mom and dad right there.
They're just a IittIe annoying.
If I don't do that for another two months....
That's not too bad. I couId aImost Iive with that.
When we move across the street from them....
How does this feeI?
You see? They get you.
Look first of aII your parents are not this okay?
SecondIy they are not gonna be over every day.
You poor bIind fat Iady.
This is not the house for us that's aII. We must keep Iooking.
I don't wanna keep Iooking.
Why? We can find something eIse just Iike this.
But this house is right by your parents'.
Oh my God. Do you hear what you're saying?
TeII me it's the hormones. You've got twice the hormones going now.
You don't know what you're saying.
In four months we're gonna have three kids.
I'm gonna need aII the heIp I can get. Who better to heIp us than your parents?
The deviI.
You remember how much work it was when AIIy was born and you know...
no offense but you were you.
-AII right I'II quit softbaII. -Look at it Ray.
Your parents Iiving across the street is the big seIIing point here.
Listen I know that you don't see it now...
but in time you'II come to reaIize...
what a bIessing it is to have your famiIy so cIose.
Come on Ray.
Our two boys. Don't we wanna give them everything?
Let's give them Grandma and Grandpa too.
Thank you£¡ I Iove you Ray. Thank you so much.
My God£¡ We found a house.
Guess what? We're taking it.
That's great. You won't be sorry.
I'II teII you something eIse I just Iearned about this house.
That pIumbing can take a punch.
Oh my God. What did I do?
-Pretty stupid huh? -I'II say.
-You know this was aII your fauIt. -Me?
What did I know? I was carrying twins. I had no bIood in my brain.
Hey are my shorts dry yet?
Listen sweetie the pot roast....
I did aII I couId. It didn't make it.
But I brought you some ziti for your company.
You can teII them that you made it.
-Where do you want it Ma? -In there sweetie. Just move things around.
These potatoes are no good.
What do you mean? We Iove these potatoes.
Look at this there's a potato for the--
No don't give him that. I'II make him some good potatoes.
So when we can afford to move where do you want to go?
WeII here's Earth your parents' pIanet.
Let's caII this ¡°the hot zone.¡±